每当别人叫我名字的时候，
我都感觉很困惑。
认识较久的朋友都会困惑，
应该怎么叫我？
多得阿姨去找师傅算全家人的名字笔画，
现在我连家人的名字该怎么写我也不晓得。
我在生气吗？
不是，
只是
困惑。
由于找不到更好的同音‘同调’字，
我改了一个同音不同调字。
由馨仪
成馨忆。
我喜欢吗？
应该没什么感觉,
但显然的，
繁体的忆字较好看，
我也较爱写。
我的名字是菜市场常听见的名字
（欧阳林在一篇文章里是那么的提及的）。
如果你看到这里，
你就想一想，
你身边的友人有多少叫‘xin’第一声‘yi’第二声，
你就懂我的意思。
什么心仪啦，
欣怡啦等。。。
真的举之不尽啊！
我的名字，
并不是我父母改的，
是我姨丈改的。
突然感觉悲哀，
我的名字原来都不是被父母主宰。
现在的我，
每当听见朋友叫我馨仪或馨忆，
我都感觉觉怪怪，
反应不过来。
下次遇到我，
想叫我，
可不可以用
1。连名带姓
2。我的别名（懂的人会懂）
3。我的英文名
的方式叫我？
别叫我馨仪/忆。。。
Sunday, September 28, 2008
咖啡
想写一篇有关咖啡的部落格。
这时，
突然闪过的尽然是林宇中的[靠岸]-
‘咖啡麻醉不了孤单 只会让夜更长。。。’
人说，
喝咖啡就如吸烟般，
久了会上瘾。
我不懂。
但，
起码不会发生在我身上。
从前的我，
对咖啡也没什么特别的感觉。
它，
只不过是一杯饮料，
什么提神不提神，
对我来说也没什么效。
想喝就喝，
不用加思索，
因为夜不会因此而更难过。
来到新加坡，
咖啡感觉开始入侵了我的生活。
喝咖啡，
回不了最初的感觉-
想喝就喝。
说起来就可悲。
现在的心态，
却是因必须喝而喝。
咖啡原来是提神丹药，
上课也不怕睡觉，
要睡也睡不了觉。
其实是否是心理作用？
怎么会和从前这么大的反差效果？
人疲惫，
精神也累，
但却难以入睡。
人，
行尸走肉般，
疲惫。。。
疲惫。。。
夜变长了，
人也孤单。。。
这时，
突然闪过的尽然是林宇中的[靠岸]-
‘咖啡麻醉不了孤单 只会让夜更长。。。’
人说，
喝咖啡就如吸烟般，
久了会上瘾。
我不懂。
但，
起码不会发生在我身上。
从前的我，
对咖啡也没什么特别的感觉。
它，
只不过是一杯饮料，
什么提神不提神，
对我来说也没什么效。
想喝就喝，
不用加思索，
因为夜不会因此而更难过。
来到新加坡，
咖啡感觉开始入侵了我的生活。
喝咖啡，
回不了最初的感觉-
想喝就喝。
说起来就可悲。
现在的心态，
却是因必须喝而喝。
咖啡原来是提神丹药，
上课也不怕睡觉，
要睡也睡不了觉。
其实是否是心理作用？
怎么会和从前这么大的反差效果？
人疲惫，
精神也累，
但却难以入睡。
人，
行尸走肉般，
疲惫。。。
疲惫。。。
夜变长了，
人也孤单。。。
Friday, September 26, 2008
怪怪的矛盾
我想，
我和大家一样，
把写部落格，
当成是一种抒发，
让他人知道自己的想法，
让自己听到他人的想法，
或他人对自己想法而产生的想法。
我不懂为什么，
看到他人的留言
感觉怪怪的，
如果说是陌生人，
深交的友人，
也还好。
处于中间的友人留言，
难免让我感觉复杂。
这感觉就好像回到从前，
每当派回周记那一刻，
总期待老师那红色的评语，
打开那一刻却感觉怪怪的，
多看一眼像是会死掉的感觉。
我喜欢写周记，
什么都写。
因为它是很私人的世界，
只有自己和批改的老师知道内容。
我不懂当下自己抱着怎样的心态写周记，
但现在，
就连看回当初所写的勇气也没有。
只是觉得，
为什么当时会有如此幼稚的想法？
我其实有着禁忌-
别在我面前提起一切。
为什么？
我不懂。
我不是那种
喜欢在他人面前掏心掏肺，
说出自己感觉的人。
为什么？
我不懂，
怎样形容那种奇妙的怪感。
是不是
我没勇气，
坦诚的面对他人？
是不是
我太倔强，
害怕让人看见自己的懦弱？
是不是
在他人面前坦诚，
让自己觉得很虚伪？
这也许都是可能。
我的一个朋友曾说，
像我这样的人，
不善于表达情感的人满可怕，
爆发那一天会很恐怖。
我不懂，
也许吧！
但那一天还没来。
在它来临前，
希望我已学会，
慢慢的告诉他人，
我的想法，
我的感觉。
我和大家一样，
把写部落格，
当成是一种抒发，
让他人知道自己的想法，
让自己听到他人的想法，
或他人对自己想法而产生的想法。
我不懂为什么，
看到他人的留言
感觉怪怪的，
如果说是陌生人，
深交的友人，
也还好。
处于中间的友人留言，
难免让我感觉复杂。
这感觉就好像回到从前，
每当派回周记那一刻，
总期待老师那红色的评语，
打开那一刻却感觉怪怪的，
多看一眼像是会死掉的感觉。
我喜欢写周记，
什么都写。
因为它是很私人的世界，
只有自己和批改的老师知道内容。
我不懂当下自己抱着怎样的心态写周记，
但现在，
就连看回当初所写的勇气也没有。
只是觉得，
为什么当时会有如此幼稚的想法？
我其实有着禁忌-
别在我面前提起一切。
为什么？
我不懂。
我不是那种
喜欢在他人面前掏心掏肺，
说出自己感觉的人。
为什么？
我不懂，
怎样形容那种奇妙的怪感。
是不是
我没勇气，
坦诚的面对他人？
是不是
我太倔强，
害怕让人看见自己的懦弱？
是不是
在他人面前坦诚，
让自己觉得很虚伪？
这也许都是可能。
我的一个朋友曾说，
像我这样的人，
不善于表达情感的人满可怕，
爆发那一天会很恐怖。
我不懂，
也许吧！
但那一天还没来。
在它来临前，
希望我已学会，
慢慢的告诉他人，
我的想法，
我的感觉。
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
我是不是有问题？
我是不是有问题？
这好像已成了我们的日常语句。
有谁不称怀疑过自己，
是否神经有问题？
其实，
这是很正常的现象吧！
正常人才会发现自己像出了毛病，
不是吗？
如果说我会怎样形容近来的自己？
我会说，
我神经错乱了。
我正常了，
因为我找不到什么理由来写部落格。
我不正常，
因为我怎么睡也睡不完。
压力把我逼疯了！？
环境让我麻木了！？
可悲。。。
这好像已成了我们的日常语句。
有谁不称怀疑过自己，
是否神经有问题？
其实，
这是很正常的现象吧！
正常人才会发现自己像出了毛病，
不是吗？
如果说我会怎样形容近来的自己？
我会说，
我神经错乱了。
我正常了，
因为我找不到什么理由来写部落格。
我不正常，
因为我怎么睡也睡不完。
压力把我逼疯了！？
环境让我麻木了！？
可悲。。。
Saturday, September 20, 2008
RCHN NUS 12th Management Committee
I have joined RCHN NUS since last year. Actually it is not the cca I opt to join in NUS. I am not extrovert and active. If I got choice, I wont be joining any cca since there is no cca that's really can interest me. However, I went for the RCHN NUS interview with 2 friends of mine who intended to join. You may wonder why? This is because I used to do things with company and I am afraid of doing thing alone.lol
For your information, I was a member of St. John Ambulans Malaysia (SJAM AMC) in my primary and I was the chairperson of SJAM AMC in secondary. I was the vice president of Voluntary Aid Detachment 7 (VAD7) in Sam Tet during my 2 years of form 6. (So...?) However, I never thought that I could pass the RCHN NUS interview with those backgrounds since limited vacancies and there were a lot of candidates who were more passionate than me to volunteer. What surprises me the most was that I was being elected to be one of the 12th MC of RCHN NUS, as assistant Disastrous Preparedness Officer 1,DPO1. The title sound so ...but actually what I have to do is to pass first aid kit to first aider or liasing.
Throughout the year 2008/09, I was quite 'off', very seldom me would join the 12th MC for dinner or outing. Main reason is the language barrier. I am not used to speak English. Actually I should say that I am not confident enough to speak English.That's why during the meetings, if not mistaken, I think I never contribute any idea for sharing. Apart from that, as I have said, I am an introvert person. The other 2 friends of mine passed the interview but were not elected into the MC. I am not used to socialize with new friends. Furthermore, I realize that the system about managing a society in Malaysia is quite different from Singapore. Maybe this is due to the fact that RCHN NUS is organized in a university level. So I have no idea on how to manage a society.
However, during the May vacation, our chapter BDDRO invited SL (one of the main comm) and I to join as a subcomm of her Blood Donation Drive. I was confused and wondered at first because I totally have no experience in organizing an event, somemore it was one of the major events for our chapter, an on campus blood drive. I forgot what was the reason, but at last I took up the challenge and I joined as a sponsorship team member. Basically, we had to liase with our potential sponsors. If you ask me, is it an easy task? I am not sure. We just have to get sponsors' contacts, email our proposal to them and do the follow up. For those who agree to sponsor us, then we have to do the collection. Quite sometime, I felt rather disappointed because I had to do part time jobs meanwhile dealing with these sponsorship matters. Addition of that, the rejection rate was quite high. Later, the other 2 friends of mine joined in to help out. Actually, it was indeed a good experience, at least I have learn something but not everything.
Throughout the preparation, I have met and made a lot of friends, from China, Vietnam, Malaysia and Singapore. We worked together regardless of our nationality. We had the same dream and focused on the same goal. During that period of time, active subcomm (including me...wahaha) were bonded together closely without realizing it! In this world, there is nothing perfect. There were some of them who act like a helper more than a subcomm. Actually, I am quite disappointed with these group of subcomm. People worked so hard but they were not contributing to lighten our burden. During the blood drive, I skipped quite a number of lectures. I felt very guilty. Do you believe? Wahaha! The reason I often used to persuade myself were...(1) lecturer is soft spoken (2) boring (3) got web cast (4) lecturer speaks alien language. lol. The blood drive was held in MPSH4, 9-12 September 2008 from 10am- 4pm. Media Corps came for shooting on the last day. Elvin Ang, the actor came. I was not excited actually cause I don't know who he is. Haha! We had collected 654 units of blood for the 4 days BDD. This had broken our chapter's record of the past 12 years. Hurray! On the last day of BDD, we went to Holland Village for dinner. Although the turn up rate for the subcomm was not high but we were quite happy and enjoyed ourselves very much because most of the 'garang' subcomm and main comm were there. Erm, something happen on me that night. It's a secret. Haha! I never felt so happy since I first stepped into NUS. After all these things, I can say out loud that I know at least 50% of how's a BDD is organized, I have close Vietnamese friends (Ha Giang, Duong and Ha), Malaysian friend (Chiew Ling) and Chinese friends (Wen Yin, Zhang Zhe).
Time flies. Finally it is the day for the 12th MC to step down and hand over to the new batch of committee. I am very regret of being so 'off' last year. Although I am not so close with some of the main comm members, but I really appreciate the memories we created together in the past one year.
Elizabeth: My dearest HEAD. Thank you for guiding me throughout the year 2008/09. We should spend more time together. Wahaha! I seldom talk to her because lacking of confidence. What she saw that night ...was my true face! Wahaha!
Yuhang: He is one of the best leader I ever met. Uncle with standing hairs.
Tao Ye: A cute person who always contribute ideas during the meetings.
Mag: Ipoh Mali!!
Daniel Foo: A shy but kind guy.
Swee Lian: A girl who dare to speak and contribute alot of ideas.
Boon Theng: Dearest big sister.
Hefang: A guy who always talk about lame and 'cold' jokes.
Cindy: I don't know why but I feel quite comfortable when talking with her.
If you ask me, why RCHN NUS? My answer is because of the true bonding and friendship. Now I realize, my life is greatly associated with voluntarism. Wahaha!
PS: I never write such a long blog, some more is in ENGLISH
For your information, I was a member of St. John Ambulans Malaysia (SJAM AMC) in my primary and I was the chairperson of SJAM AMC in secondary. I was the vice president of Voluntary Aid Detachment 7 (VAD7) in Sam Tet during my 2 years of form 6. (So...?) However, I never thought that I could pass the RCHN NUS interview with those backgrounds since limited vacancies and there were a lot of candidates who were more passionate than me to volunteer. What surprises me the most was that I was being elected to be one of the 12th MC of RCHN NUS, as assistant Disastrous Preparedness Officer 1,DPO1. The title sound so ...but actually what I have to do is to pass first aid kit to first aider or liasing.
Throughout the year 2008/09, I was quite 'off', very seldom me would join the 12th MC for dinner or outing. Main reason is the language barrier. I am not used to speak English. Actually I should say that I am not confident enough to speak English.That's why during the meetings, if not mistaken, I think I never contribute any idea for sharing. Apart from that, as I have said, I am an introvert person. The other 2 friends of mine passed the interview but were not elected into the MC. I am not used to socialize with new friends. Furthermore, I realize that the system about managing a society in Malaysia is quite different from Singapore. Maybe this is due to the fact that RCHN NUS is organized in a university level. So I have no idea on how to manage a society.
However, during the May vacation, our chapter BDDRO invited SL (one of the main comm) and I to join as a subcomm of her Blood Donation Drive. I was confused and wondered at first because I totally have no experience in organizing an event, somemore it was one of the major events for our chapter, an on campus blood drive. I forgot what was the reason, but at last I took up the challenge and I joined as a sponsorship team member. Basically, we had to liase with our potential sponsors. If you ask me, is it an easy task? I am not sure. We just have to get sponsors' contacts, email our proposal to them and do the follow up. For those who agree to sponsor us, then we have to do the collection. Quite sometime, I felt rather disappointed because I had to do part time jobs meanwhile dealing with these sponsorship matters. Addition of that, the rejection rate was quite high. Later, the other 2 friends of mine joined in to help out. Actually, it was indeed a good experience, at least I have learn something but not everything.
Throughout the preparation, I have met and made a lot of friends, from China, Vietnam, Malaysia and Singapore. We worked together regardless of our nationality. We had the same dream and focused on the same goal. During that period of time, active subcomm (including me...wahaha) were bonded together closely without realizing it! In this world, there is nothing perfect. There were some of them who act like a helper more than a subcomm. Actually, I am quite disappointed with these group of subcomm. People worked so hard but they were not contributing to lighten our burden. During the blood drive, I skipped quite a number of lectures. I felt very guilty. Do you believe? Wahaha! The reason I often used to persuade myself were...(1) lecturer is soft spoken (2) boring (3) got web cast (4) lecturer speaks alien language. lol. The blood drive was held in MPSH4, 9-12 September 2008 from 10am- 4pm. Media Corps came for shooting on the last day. Elvin Ang, the actor came. I was not excited actually cause I don't know who he is. Haha! We had collected 654 units of blood for the 4 days BDD. This had broken our chapter's record of the past 12 years. Hurray! On the last day of BDD, we went to Holland Village for dinner. Although the turn up rate for the subcomm was not high but we were quite happy and enjoyed ourselves very much because most of the 'garang' subcomm and main comm were there. Erm, something happen on me that night. It's a secret. Haha! I never felt so happy since I first stepped into NUS. After all these things, I can say out loud that I know at least 50% of how's a BDD is organized, I have close Vietnamese friends (Ha Giang, Duong and Ha), Malaysian friend (Chiew Ling) and Chinese friends (Wen Yin, Zhang Zhe).
Time flies. Finally it is the day for the 12th MC to step down and hand over to the new batch of committee. I am very regret of being so 'off' last year. Although I am not so close with some of the main comm members, but I really appreciate the memories we created together in the past one year.
Elizabeth: My dearest HEAD. Thank you for guiding me throughout the year 2008/09. We should spend more time together. Wahaha! I seldom talk to her because lacking of confidence. What she saw that night ...was my true face! Wahaha!
Yuhang: He is one of the best leader I ever met. Uncle with standing hairs.
Tao Ye: A cute person who always contribute ideas during the meetings.
Mag: Ipoh Mali!!
Daniel Foo: A shy but kind guy.
Swee Lian: A girl who dare to speak and contribute alot of ideas.
Boon Theng: Dearest big sister.
Hefang: A guy who always talk about lame and 'cold' jokes.
Cindy: I don't know why but I feel quite comfortable when talking with her.
If you ask me, why RCHN NUS? My answer is because of the true bonding and friendship. Now I realize, my life is greatly associated with voluntarism. Wahaha!PS: I never write such a long blog, some more is in ENGLISH
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
路人甲·忆
今天想写一些有关本身的事
这个故事我不懂是否属实
因为我对自己的认知也有限
如果说谁比我更了解我自己
那我想
我应该和认识我的人一样
知道的只是那么的一些些
这是可悲的人生吗？
还是未知的精彩？
路人甲·忆
路人甲
多么普通的名词
网络论坛上
总是层出不穷
但我就蛮喜欢
路人
给我的第一影像就是
一个擦肩而过的陌生人
你也不会多看他一眼
跟他寒暄
但
我的重点放在
路人的出现只是一瞬间
那么刚好
时间对了
地点对了
对想也对了
的凑巧相遇
就像我的出现
我没有把握
能一辈子的出现在我家人与朋友身边
我只是刚好
到他人圈子里点缀
就像是路人一样
那么的刚好
说起来也不免可悲
甲
只是一个附加词
相比
乙
丙
丁
之下较顺口
忆
因为我的名字
我本来叫仪
但算命师傅说笔画不好
所以改成忆
我不懂是叛逆
还是因这件事故
我的性格
从此也有所改变
阿仪
已不再
亦不在
我不禁开始想念
阿忆
虽存在
似不在。。。
这个故事我不懂是否属实
因为我对自己的认知也有限
如果说谁比我更了解我自己
那我想
我应该和认识我的人一样
知道的只是那么的一些些
这是可悲的人生吗？
还是未知的精彩？
路人甲·忆
路人甲
多么普通的名词
网络论坛上
总是层出不穷
但我就蛮喜欢
路人
给我的第一影像就是
一个擦肩而过的陌生人
你也不会多看他一眼
跟他寒暄
但
我的重点放在
路人的出现只是一瞬间
那么刚好
时间对了
地点对了
对想也对了
的凑巧相遇
就像我的出现
我没有把握
能一辈子的出现在我家人与朋友身边
我只是刚好
到他人圈子里点缀
就像是路人一样
那么的刚好
说起来也不免可悲
甲
只是一个附加词
相比
乙
丙
丁
之下较顺口
忆
因为我的名字
我本来叫仪
但算命师傅说笔画不好
所以改成忆
我不懂是叛逆
还是因这件事故
我的性格
从此也有所改变
阿仪
已不再
亦不在
我不禁开始想念
阿忆
虽存在
似不在。。。
Monday, September 15, 2008
水瓶座的我与朋友
我曾读过一份分析
有关星座个性的排行榜
水瓶座是一个蛮重情义的星座
其实还不以为意
虽蛮贴切
曾经因为和某朋友太要好而根家人闹翻
但最后因某种事故
渐渐远离了那个朋友
和家人的关系也有所改善
关系因来了新加坡而变得更美好
AMOGA里的一个朋友告诉我
世界上没有永远的朋友
一切随缘就好
感觉上蛮不错
做朋友不是单方面的想
而是双方面的配合
对家人的付出
会得到成果
也不会被背叛
对朋友
除了无奈还是永无止境的无奈
不是小心他人耍心计
就是被利用
朋友其实是什么？
有关星座个性的排行榜
水瓶座是一个蛮重情义的星座
其实还不以为意
虽蛮贴切
曾经因为和某朋友太要好而根家人闹翻
但最后因某种事故
渐渐远离了那个朋友
和家人的关系也有所改善
关系因来了新加坡而变得更美好
AMOGA里的一个朋友告诉我
世界上没有永远的朋友
一切随缘就好
感觉上蛮不错
做朋友不是单方面的想
而是双方面的配合
对家人的付出
会得到成果
也不会被背叛
对朋友
除了无奈还是永无止境的无奈
不是小心他人耍心计
就是被利用
朋友其实是什么？
Sunday, September 14, 2008
结束
结束不一定是另一个开始
近来手头上该忙的也忙完了
空虚也必然
回想
其实不同的尝试
不同的过程
让我不断成长
如果真的有如果
我的选择还会是一样
由一个人的自私
变成大家的奋斗
达到无及的梦想
愿望真的可以实现
梦想真的可以达成
曾经的抱怨
只是一时之气
却为我增加了不少的理念
原来只要把减变成加一切变得更美好
（这是想写但不想让人明了的乱搞文章）
近来手头上该忙的也忙完了
空虚也必然
回想
其实不同的尝试
不同的过程
让我不断成长
如果真的有如果
我的选择还会是一样
由一个人的自私
变成大家的奋斗
达到无及的梦想
愿望真的可以实现
梦想真的可以达成
曾经的抱怨
只是一时之气
却为我增加了不少的理念
原来只要把减变成加一切变得更美好
（这是想写但不想让人明了的乱搞文章）
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
那一个才好？
如果你问我：
你喜欢用感觉写部落格；
还是
什么感觉都没有
而
干脆不要写？
我会给你的答案是
第二个选择。
当我有东西想写的时候，
就是我胡思乱想的时候，
也许走火入魔到难以想象的地步。
如果你问我为什么？
我知道答案，
但我会假装，
因为我不喜欢这个答案，
也不想面对这个答案，
别问我为什么。
其实，
我更怀疑，
我是否知道答案？
你喜欢用感觉写部落格；
还是
什么感觉都没有
而
干脆不要写？
我会给你的答案是
第二个选择。
当我有东西想写的时候，
就是我胡思乱想的时候，
也许走火入魔到难以想象的地步。
如果你问我为什么？
我知道答案，
但我会假装，
因为我不喜欢这个答案，
也不想面对这个答案，
别问我为什么。
其实，
我更怀疑，
我是否知道答案？
Thursday, September 4, 2008
雨天
近来的新加坡
常常下雨
雨天虽不便
但就是喜欢那种感觉
我不懂为什么
也许因为遗憾
雨天第一件令我想起的是
中四那年的华文考试
我是上午班的学生
那天天空下起雨
作文题目有得被选择
我的华文很差
议论文怎么写也写不好
犹豫了好久
是否该选择议论文还是叙述文
我还记得那叙述文的题目是
雨天感怀
那个时候
大家都爱写议论文
所以我还是跟风了
结果考试出来真的不太理想
很多时候
我都会陷入自己写的文章
我喜欢写
但却没什么机会写给对的人看
分享一下当下的心情
我的想法
有时会令我控制不了
我就是喜欢写
常常下雨
雨天虽不便
但就是喜欢那种感觉
我不懂为什么
也许因为遗憾
雨天第一件令我想起的是
中四那年的华文考试
我是上午班的学生
那天天空下起雨
作文题目有得被选择
我的华文很差
议论文怎么写也写不好
犹豫了好久
是否该选择议论文还是叙述文
我还记得那叙述文的题目是
雨天感怀
那个时候
大家都爱写议论文
所以我还是跟风了
结果考试出来真的不太理想
很多时候
我都会陷入自己写的文章
我喜欢写
但却没什么机会写给对的人看
分享一下当下的心情
我的想法
有时会令我控制不了
我就是喜欢写
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
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